Breakthrough

It has been six days since precious Pearl arrived. In those six days, I have seen her fight back tears and try to hide the pain that has probably been such a part of her life. She had probably never seen a non-Chinese person until this past week and most certainly had never heard English. I made her cry which just about broke my heart. She was scared.

"What is this new place with funny looking people who speak a strange language?"

I can't even imagine what has gone through her 2 year old mind. Trying to wrap her mind around all that has taken place in the last 6 days.



Since I made her cry, I have kept my distance. I haven't tried to get to close or pick her up. However, I have smiled at her and tried to interact. Yesterday, we made strides. She thought it was hilarious when I would knock her little bear over. She has the most precious smile.

Yesterday was progress but today, my friends, we had a breakthrough. After getting her to smile for most of the afternoon, I finally took a chance and reached out my arms and asked her in Chinese if I could hold her. She immediately reached her little arms out towards me to which I scooped her up and sat her on my lap.

That little girl latched on immediately. Her arms went around my neck, she laid her head on my shoulder, and held on for dear life. I kept the tears at bay because I did not want to frighten her (again) but they were threatening to spill down my cheeks. I kissed her sweet head and slowly rubbed her beautiful black hair.

This precious child who has lost so much is taking a chance and allowing herself to trust. She sat on my lap for about half an hour, until it was time for her to eat. She went back and forth between hugging me, gazing into my eyes to make sure I was really there, and then her little girl arms would go around me again. 

This is what it is all about. This is why I do what I do. For moments like these. To give hope to the fatherless and show them love. 

Sunday Snapshot: Hard Goodbye

I just loved having my brother, Thaddeus, here. Like really loved it. I will admit, I was a little nervous at first because I'm so used to just "my life" over here that I wasn't sure how it would be to have another person around. But it was great! He was able to see and experience a lot in the 2 weeks he was in China. And surprisingly, things went very smoothly. 

On Tuesday afternoon, it was time to say goodbye. He became quite attached to little Treasure which made it painfully hard to say goodbye. 

These two were inseparable for those two weeks he was here. Playing, reading, laughing for hours. It brought me to tears several times just watching them together.

In such a short time together, they fell in love with each other. And I know they miss each other terribly.

When Thaddeus was in the room, no one else existed to Treasure, not even me! Their bond was that strong.

 A beautiful friendship was formed in such a short amount of time.

Which made the goodbye all the more painful. It was painful to watch when he walked out of the playroom for the last time and Treasure lifted her arms in anticipation of being picked up.

*Sigh* It's hard. But I know that two lives were changed in their time together. And that makes it even more special and I know the memories will last forever.

Linking up with Ni Hao Ya'll

Hard

Being away for 6 months at a time, means that things change. Change isn't always bad and  it's not always easy. In fact, sometimes it's just plain hard and painful. And to be perfectly honest, it really stinks. Especially when that change involves people I love. People who were here when I left in May and not here when I arrived back in November. 

Many of you know, that my Grandpa Johnson passed away this fall. On September 4, 2013, he went to be with His Lord. And quite honestly, although I miss him, I'm so happy for him. He is in a better place. A place where there is no pain or suffering. However, it is still hard for those of us left behind. It's not the same without him here. 

Even though I knew he wouldn't be here when I arrived home, it didn't "sink in" until I visited his grave a few weeks ago. That's when the reality set in.

My Grandfather was getting old though. He lived a long, fulfilling life filled with love, joy, and family. My dear neighbor, passed away of cancer just a week after I returned to China in May. She also lived a life full of love, joy, and family, but her life was too short. She died too young.

It's easy to ask God "why?" Why would this happen? When in fact, we may never know. We just have to trust that He is still good. Always.

Seeing these graves is hard. Part of me just wanted to skip this step. I didn't want to visit the graves of people who were alive just 7 months ago when I was here before. But I knew I needed too.

And I am so glad I did. Change is hard, that is for sure. And we will never heal from those we love. But we will remember that God is good all, All The Time.

Baby Therapy

After hearing the news yesterday about my Grandfather's passing, the only other place I wanted to be besides home, was with my babies. 

My little ones knew something was up. Maybe it was the fact that I just wanted to sit and snuggle with them.

Or that tears would fill my eyes occasionally (I rarely ever cry in front of them).

Whatever the indication was, they knew. Treasure was content just sitting in my lap. She would stare into my eyes with this concerned look on her face and would then lie her sweet head on my shoulder and just snuggle. When I would become distracted and look off into space, she would put her little face in front of mine and get my attention back on her.

Yes, when you are hurting and struggling, baby holding is the best medicine.

And my Grandpa loved hearing about these sweet kids. He had such a heart for ministry and for children.

Sorrow

"Cause me to understand the way of Your precepts, that I may meditate on Your wonderful deeds."

Psalm 119:27

 There are so many things in this life that we will never understand.

We know that "ALL things work together for good for those who love God." (Romans 8:28)

But we may not know what those things are this side of heaven.

We live in a lost and fallen world.

A world full of sin, heartache, pain, and sickness.

But a verse the Lord laid on my heart the other morning was this:

 "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." (Hebrews 13:7-9)

 This week, the world lost an amazing woman.

She was a mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend, and most importantly, daughter of the Heavenly King.

She loved God with her whole heart and lived out her faith to those around her.

You could just see the love of Christ shining through her life and in her smile.

My dear neighbor back home lost the battle to cancer. 

But when I think about it, she didn't lose at all.

She actually WON.

She is in Heaven.

She is probably chatting with Jesus right now.

She is with her Heavenly Father and in no more pain.

How cool is that to think about?

Yet we are the ones who lost.

Because we lost her here on earth and we are still here.

 I KNOW that I am going to see her again, but the loss is still great.

The pain still raw.

And the tears still fall.

She wasn't just a neighbor to me, but part of our family.

Before I flew back to China, my family had the amazing privilege to spend some time in worship with her family.

We have had so many memories over the years together.

Playing, dinners, camping, concerts, etc.

But WORSHIP will be my last memory. 

A memory of praising Jesus together.

And thanking Him for what he has done, is doing, and will do.

Isn't that what it's all about?

Even in the midst of the knowledge that she is with Jesus, it still hurts.

And that is okay too because there is a "time to weep and a time to mourn." (Ecclesiastes 3:3-5)

"Weeping may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning."

Psalm 30:5