Whirlwind

What a whirlwind it has been around here. After months and months of applying for jobs and waiting, applying and waiting, these last few weeks have flown by and it can S.L.O.W. D.O.W.N., that would be fine by me!

On October 9th (just over a month ago), I applied for a position at Dillon which I saw posted just 2 days prior. On that same day, I received my first call/phone interview with them. On October 23rd, they offered me the job. On October 27th, I accepted. And life has been going non-stop since then. My first day of work will be December 8th (!), and we are leaving here on December 2nd to move me to Tulsa. All that to say there is a lot to do before then, plus there is a holiday (hooray for Thanksgiving!) thrown in there!

Yesterday was a productive day. I spent most of the day going through my belongings and deciding what is going to Tulsa with me and what is staying here for the time being. My mom, sister, and I also did some shopping last night and my kitchen has a pretty good start so I can do some cooking once I arrive. I had saved a few of my gift cards from last Christmas for this very purpose. Merry Christmas (from last year) to me!

I also think that I've found a home! I have been searching for apartments the last few weeks and called about 9 or 10 different places on Monday. I have a book full of notes and just trying to make a decision. After sitting down with my Mom, I've decided on a place. Applied online and paid my application fee. Now it's just waiting to see if they accept me! It looks like a great apartment, safe area, and the best part? Only 2 1/2 miles from my office! Please pray with me that this will all fall into place if it's meant to be.

How am I doing emotionally? For the most part, I have been holding it all together. But I'll be honest, it's very bittersweet. I'm so excited about my new job, the people I'll work with, and most importantly the mission of the agency, to help bring sweet children home to their forever families. I am also excited to move to a new city and experience a new adventure. But, it's been SO NICE being home with my family these last few months. Spending time with my family, attend my siblings sporting events, help out where I'm needed, see my nephews, and just being near family. Leaving again is going to be so hard. But, I really feel like this is what I am supposed to do and so I'm holding onto that. But yes, I'm scared.

"Being confident of this, 

that He who began a good work in you 

will carry it on to completion 

until the day of Christ Jesus."

Philippians 1:6

Reminder

"Lord, our Lord, how majestic is Your name in all the earth!"

Psalm 8:9

This verse kept coming to mind over and over last evening as I kept gazing at the gorgeous sky. The Lord has always spoken to my heart through sunsets (and sunrises when I'm up!). There is just something powerful about a gorgeously painted sky and being reminded of how majestic and powerful our Lord God truly is.

In this season of waiting and yearning for His direction and guidance, I felt Him place on my heart:

"Anneli, I am always with you, I know what I am doing."

I know that in my head, I just need to start believing it in my heart. As I try to hear His voice and know what way I should turn, He knows what He is doing through it all. Sometimes, He just wants us to be still and wait on Him. There is so much we can learn during the "being still" seasons in our lives and right now that is right where I am. 

"Be still and know that I Am God."

Psalm 46:10

A song that has been on my heart a lot lately I have been listening to over and over again is "I Am Not Alone" by Kari Jobe. Here are a few of the lyrics:

"I am not alone
I am not alone
You will go before me
You will never leave me"

by: Kari Jobe

His Timing

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways My ways,"

declares the Lord.

"As the Heavens are higher than the earth,

so are My ways higher than your ways,

and My thoughts than your thoughts."

Isaiah 55:8-9

There are some things in life I just don't understand and probably never will. Sometimes rather than the actual event,  it's more the timing I don't understand. If there is one thing I have learned in my faith walk, it is that God's timing is always best. I may not understand it or agree with it, but He knows. And I just need to surrender my own opinions and desires to His will and His plan. 

On Friday, I received word that my Grandma Johnson had passed away. It was a shock and it was a surprise, and I'll be honest, it is hard. She has struggled with Alzheimer's which is a terrible, terrible disease. She was confused and she was unhappy. My Grandpa Johnson passed away in September and once he did, we had to move my Grandma out of her home and into assisted living. It was not ideal, but it was what had to be done. 

I am just three ways away from being home. Three weeks. I would have loved to see her just one more time this side of Heaven. She was so anxious for me to be home. She had such a hard time with me moving to China but I knew that she loved me and was proud of me.

I am so thankful that I was home for Thanksgiving and Christmas this past year. Those are memories that I will always treasure.

I was so close but yet, I know that she is happy and whole. She is no longer confused and she is with my Grandpa and most importantly, with her Lord and Savior.



Please keep my family in your prayers. She passed away Thursday evening, my youngest brother, Tage, graduated high school Friday evening, his graduation party was Saturday, and my mom and Kiah board a plane on Wednesday to fly to China. There is a LOT going on at home and here my emotions are all over the place with me leaving China in a few weeks. It is once again, by His strength alone that has kept me going.

Breakthrough

It has been six days since precious Pearl arrived. In those six days, I have seen her fight back tears and try to hide the pain that has probably been such a part of her life. She had probably never seen a non-Chinese person until this past week and most certainly had never heard English. I made her cry which just about broke my heart. She was scared.

"What is this new place with funny looking people who speak a strange language?"

I can't even imagine what has gone through her 2 year old mind. Trying to wrap her mind around all that has taken place in the last 6 days.



Since I made her cry, I have kept my distance. I haven't tried to get to close or pick her up. However, I have smiled at her and tried to interact. Yesterday, we made strides. She thought it was hilarious when I would knock her little bear over. She has the most precious smile.

Yesterday was progress but today, my friends, we had a breakthrough. After getting her to smile for most of the afternoon, I finally took a chance and reached out my arms and asked her in Chinese if I could hold her. She immediately reached her little arms out towards me to which I scooped her up and sat her on my lap.

That little girl latched on immediately. Her arms went around my neck, she laid her head on my shoulder, and held on for dear life. I kept the tears at bay because I did not want to frighten her (again) but they were threatening to spill down my cheeks. I kissed her sweet head and slowly rubbed her beautiful black hair.

This precious child who has lost so much is taking a chance and allowing herself to trust. She sat on my lap for about half an hour, until it was time for her to eat. She went back and forth between hugging me, gazing into my eyes to make sure I was really there, and then her little girl arms would go around me again. 

This is what it is all about. This is why I do what I do. For moments like these. To give hope to the fatherless and show them love. 

Redefining Lucky

Sad, withdrawn, eyes full of sorrow. This is how I would describe our newest little one. On Tuesday night, our 13th child arrived. She is just shy of two years old and has been through so much in her short life. Abandonment, grief, pain, and sorrow. She has lived in the orphanage for the last seven months and now she is transitioning to yet another new home. She has no idea that this is a very good change.

She is scared to trust, to smile, and to come to like her new home, because after all, it may be taken away from her. Just like everything else in her life. 

Last week I wrote this post stating that I am the "lucky one." Some may even consider Pearl lucky because she has come to our foster home. The last few days I have been thinking about that post as well as a conversation I had with my Mom and thinking, what does "lucky" really mean for these children? When someone says they are "lucky," what does that mean?

These kids were left, abandoned. They have have lived in good situations or terrible situations in China before they are adopted. They have gone through more pain and sorrow than many of us will ever go through in a lifetime. They have loved and lost. They have no idea of where they came from. And questions that will never be answered.

Did she get her smile from their Mom? 

Eyes from her Father? 

A shy personality like her sister? 

These are answers precious Pearl will never know the answer too. Same as my sister. No matter how incredible her story is and how God can take something as awful and painful as abandonment and turn it into something beautiful through adoption, there will still be a part of her heart missing. A piece that she will never know the answers too.

Don't get me wrong, adoption is amazing. It is something I am passionate about and plan to do all I can to bring hope to orphans and unite forever families. I am so thankful for the way the Lord brought my family together from different sides of the world. But don't think for a minute that it is this "happily ever after" story. For these children, no matter how loved and wanted they are, there is something that we can't give them.

Answers to their past. 



I don't know about you, but if these children are considered "lucky," then this makes me totally rethink the term lucky and what it means.

We live in a lost and fallen world where there is pain and suffering. Praise God that there is also redemption, hope, and joy.

As I think about my own sister's story, my heart aches for her birth mother. A mother who must have loved her daughter so much to let her go. My heart also aches for the answers that she will never have answered. Questions that she has already started to ask.

Blessing? Indeed, but lucky? I think not.

I Am the "Lucky One"

"They are so lucky to have you"

"She is so lucky that you adopted her."

First of all, I have never liked the term lucky. Luck has absolutely nothing to do with it which is why I prefer the term blessed.

Now that we got that out of the way, these are two statements that just "get to me." I know people mean well but I guess you really don't "get it" until you live it. In just a few months, we will be celebrating 12 years of Kiah being a part of our family. In all honesty, it's hard for me to remember what life was like before she was part of our family. She was the missing piece, the sister I dreamed about and prayed for for years. She has brought so much joy to our family and none of us, can imagine life without her. "She is so lucky that you adopted her." That is a statement we have heard probably hundreds of times over the past 12 years but no, that is not it at all. She is not the "blessed one," we are. She has brought us so much joy and happiness that it almost seems unfair. We are the ones who won, hands down, in this situation. 

Then there is the one I receive quite often now, how lucky my kids are to have me. Once again, that is totally backwards. They aren't lucky at all. Yes, I can make them laugh with my silly face and antics but the truth is, they have blessed me way more than I have blessed them. They have taught me about the heart of the Father. The Father who has not forgotten a little orphan child. A Father who loves and cares and cherishes. A Father who will never leave or forsake us. They have taught me about joy, laughter, and trust. They have taught me about healing and miracles. They are not the lucky ones, not at all. It is me. 

Hard

Being away for 6 months at a time, means that things change. Change isn't always bad and  it's not always easy. In fact, sometimes it's just plain hard and painful. And to be perfectly honest, it really stinks. Especially when that change involves people I love. People who were here when I left in May and not here when I arrived back in November. 

Many of you know, that my Grandpa Johnson passed away this fall. On September 4, 2013, he went to be with His Lord. And quite honestly, although I miss him, I'm so happy for him. He is in a better place. A place where there is no pain or suffering. However, it is still hard for those of us left behind. It's not the same without him here. 

Even though I knew he wouldn't be here when I arrived home, it didn't "sink in" until I visited his grave a few weeks ago. That's when the reality set in.

My Grandfather was getting old though. He lived a long, fulfilling life filled with love, joy, and family. My dear neighbor, passed away of cancer just a week after I returned to China in May. She also lived a life full of love, joy, and family, but her life was too short. She died too young.

It's easy to ask God "why?" Why would this happen? When in fact, we may never know. We just have to trust that He is still good. Always.

Seeing these graves is hard. Part of me just wanted to skip this step. I didn't want to visit the graves of people who were alive just 7 months ago when I was here before. But I knew I needed too.

And I am so glad I did. Change is hard, that is for sure. And we will never heal from those we love. But we will remember that God is good all, All The Time.

Sunday Snapshot: Remembering

Yesterday, December 7th, is a very special day in the Johnson household. It is a day of remembering. On December 7, 1981, my older twin sisters, Sarah Elizabeth and Linnea Elise were born. 

Some of you may be wondering, "I thought you had only one sister and she is younger?" You would be partially right. Thirty-two years ago, my older sisters were born, however their time on this earth was brief. 

One died the same day she was born, the other two days later. Each year on their birthday, we make a cake in their memory. This year I found a camouflage cake that I wanted to try. I figured if Sarah and Linnea were here, they would understand. 

After mixing up the cake I separated the batter into four different bowls for the different colors.

I then "blobbed" the colors around the cake pan.

Cooling before decorating.

The finished product!

Tage was obviously pretty excited about lighting the candles,

 We sang "Happy Birthday,"

and the cake was cut.

The camouflage didn't turn out quite how I thought it would after it baked but not bad.

The taste, however, was absolutely delicious.

Happy 32nd Birthday, Sarah & Linnea. I can't wait to meet you in Heaven one day!

Linking up for Sunday Snapshot with Ni Hao Yall 

Day 19 of Thankfulness: Trials

I am thankful for trials.

This one is a little more difficult to write about. I don't know many people who can honestly say that they enjoy going through trials and difficult times. One thing the Lord talks about time and time again, is how important trials are. How they test our faith and allow it to grow. If we didn't go through a hard time or two, we wouldn't need God. We would be able to handle life on our own, without His help. Trials allow our faith to grow and for us to truly see the character of God. To see how He is with us each step of the way. He will "never leave us nor forsake us." He loves us that much. 

Looking back on my life, each trial I have gone through I can see the Lord's fingerprints all over them. No, maybe I didn't always feel Him near while I was going through it, but looking back now, I see how He was always there, never leaving my side. I have reached a point where I am thankful for trials. Do I enjoy going through them? Absolutely not. But I can see how they were and are necessary. If I am going to strengthen my faith walk and continue to grow, then going through trials are a necessary part of that process. I am thankful for the trials the Lord has brought my way. And more importantly, how He has seen me through each and every one.