His Strength Alone

There are times in my life when I can feel the Lord's presence so near. This last week has been one of those times. After the initial shock over the death of my Grandfather, I have continued to feel sadness but more than that.... I have felt an incredible amount of peace. A peace that can only come from the One above, my Lord and Savior.

This past week I have been filled with memories. Good, sweet memories. Memories of my Grandpa that will make me laugh no matter where I am or what I am doing. Yes, it may cause people to stare at me "wondering why is this girl breaking into laughter in the middle of a bus?" Of course, since they stare at me anyways, it doesn't bother me one bit.

This past week has also been filled with an incredible number of blessings. Yes, I am sad that I wasn't able to be home with my family during this time but I was able to be a part of all that went on. I was even up at 2:30 a.m. yesterday morning to "watch" my Grandpa's funeral service via Skype. And the best part? God allowed for the internet connection to be perfect. I was able to watch the whole service with crystal clear picture for over an hour. I got to laugh and cry with my family and friends in attendance. I even got to watch as my Mom read a little something that I wrote for my Grandpa and listen to my older brother as he shared what an amazing man my Grandpa was. Yes, I got to be a part of it. I texted my Mom about it after the service was over and she said, "she really was here." 

I have also gotten to call several times over the last few days and one again? You got it, perfect connection. Yes, God has been allowing me to be part of what is going on 8,000 miles away. I even talked to my Grandma this morning and she said "it sounds like you are right next door!" Yes, blessings indeed.

It has been by His strength and His strength alone that I have found such joy and peace over the last week. That I can smile and be filled with His presence during this time. Yes, there are still tears. Yes, it'll be especially hard in November when I am back home and my Grandpa is not there. That is probably when it will actually hit me. But I am so thankful that I will be home for the holidays with my family and especially my Grandma. Yes, God has this all figured out and His timing is perfect. I have seen His hand in my life in the past valley's I have walked through and I know that He is with me now.

Thank you so much for all of your thoughts, prayers, emails, messages, and phone calls. You have no idea how much it means to me. Thank you.

Baby Therapy

After hearing the news yesterday about my Grandfather's passing, the only other place I wanted to be besides home, was with my babies. 

My little ones knew something was up. Maybe it was the fact that I just wanted to sit and snuggle with them.

Or that tears would fill my eyes occasionally (I rarely ever cry in front of them).

Whatever the indication was, they knew. Treasure was content just sitting in my lap. She would stare into my eyes with this concerned look on her face and would then lie her sweet head on my shoulder and just snuggle. When I would become distracted and look off into space, she would put her little face in front of mine and get my attention back on her.

Yes, when you are hurting and struggling, baby holding is the best medicine.

And my Grandpa loved hearing about these sweet kids. He had such a heart for ministry and for children.

My Grandpa

“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day – and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for His appearing.” 

2 Timothy 4:7-8

Yesterday this world lost an incredible man. A man who loved Jesus, his family, and anyone else who the Lord put in his path. A man who knew how to love and loved well. The world lost my Grandpa. 

This morning I woke up to a text message from my Dad asking me to call as soon as I could, my Grandpa Johnson had died in his sleep during the night. My Grandpa has been battling Alzheimer’s the last few years but we had no idea it would be this soon. My family was just with him Monday night in celebration of Labor Day. Little did they know, that it would be the last time in this world.

My Grandpa was an amazing man who loved the Lord and all those around him. It didn't matter your past or what you had done, he loved you for you and where God had you now. He truly was a “light in the darkness.” His life was a testimony of Christ’s love, grace, goodness and forgiveness. My Grandpa served as a senior pastor for years but even after he retired in the early 90’s, his ministry did not end. No, he continued to share the love of Christ with all those around him. He truly was a “city on a hill,” a flame for Christ that could not be hidden. 

"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill can not be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in Heaven."

Matthew 5:14-16

When he entered into eternity the other night, I just smile when I picture Christ greeting him and saying, “well done, good and faithful servant.” (Matthew 25:23) That’s how I want Christ to greet me in eternity. “Well done, Anneli, good and faithful servant.” My Grandpa has shown me how to do that. How to live for Christ and show that love to others in this lost world. 

I’ll be honest, my heart is breaking. When I read that text message from my Dad, I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach. How could my Grandpa be gone? I didn't even get to say goodbye. To hug him one more time. To hear him call me “Beautiful (his nickname for me)" just once more. I don't get to hear him pray, to hear his laugh, to see his sweet smile when I talked about my babies in China, to share an ice cream sundae or Sunday night pizza with him (he sure had a sweet tooth), or to hear him tell me that God has such an amazing plan for my life. Just one more time. 

My only regret is that I didn't call. I've been meaning to call him for months and I haven’t. It goes to show than none of us know how long we will be on this earth and we must never take even a day for granted. 

After hearing the news and allowing the shock to wear off, I can’t help but smile at his memory. I remember his goofy jokes. Of course I would always laugh at them no matter how silly they were. I think he appreciated my presence just for that. I remember driving to the airport with him and my Grandma to greet my parents and my new baby sister, Kiah, when she came home from China. I remember road tripping with him down to Tennessee years ago for vacation and the silly car games we came up with. I remember looking into the stands at a swim meet and seeing him there, cheering me on, the pride showing all over his face. I remember last summer when before I came back to China and he told me, “Anneli, keep following Jesus and all that He is calling you to do.” Yes, my heart is breaking, but mainly because I will miss him so much. He is sitting with Jesus right now and for that I can't help but smile.

The night before I flew back to China in May, we had pizza at my Grandparents house on the lake. Little did I know, that would be the last time I would hug and kiss my Grandpa on this earth. After hearing of his passing, my mind was spinning and I could not for the life of me remember the last time I was with him. I looked back at pictures from my time home this spring and came across this one. This is the last picture I took of my Grandpa. It was after we said goodbye and were about to climb in the car to go home. My Grandpa loved golf. So it’s only appropriate that the last picture I took of him was swinging a golf club.

My last night at the lake was extra special. I remember going down to the lake with my camera and just praying. Not sure why it was so special but now I understand. God was preparing me. Just look at the gorgeous sunset he painted that night? 

Grandpa, I miss you so much. I can’t even imagine arriving home in November and not having you there. Thank you for loving me and showing me how to love. And teaching me all that you know about Christ and His love for me. I know that a party is going on in Heaven at this very moment. 

I love you.

“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” 

Isaiah 40:31