Another Chapter Closing

“Look at the nations and watch—
    and be utterly amazed.
For I am going to do something in your days
    that you would not believe,
    even if you were told."

I love this passage from Habakkuk 1:5. It has been a favorite of mine for years but this year it keeps showing up over and over again. When that happens, I know that the Lord is trying to tell me something.

I'm in the midst of another season of transition. My apartment is filled with boxes, the walls are blank, and it's beginning to feel less like home. In early December, after a lot of prayer, I accepted a job at an adoption agency in the Washington D.C. area. Since my lease wasn't up until the beginning of February, they have graciously allowed me to work remotely for them so that I could finish up things here in Tulsa, pack up, and finish out my lease. I am so excited for this opportunity at an agency I have always wanted to work for and in a city I have always loved. But with any new chapter beginning, another chapter has to close.

Reaching the decision to pack up my life here and move, was not an easy one. It was a week of wrestling back and forth with the Lord and a lot of tears. But once I made my decision to take the job, a peace that can only come from Him washed over me and even though I knew the upcoming months would not be easy, I knew it was the right decision.

For the past 6 months or so, I have had this strong pull to move closer to my family. As I get older, as I think about hopefully someday meeting that special someone, settle down, and raise a family, I want my parents and family near. I will still be 300 miles away from them, but it is a doable drive. Much more manageable than flying back and forth between Tulsa and Buffalo two or three times a year. I have missed out on so much because I've been so far away -- bridal showers, baby showers, graduations, retirement party's, weddings, and just seeing my siblings and watching my nephews and niece grow up. Family is important to me and I realized, I have one life to live and I want to live it closer to my family and be able to see them more often than I do now. I have lived 1,000 + miles from my family for almost 5 years now and quite honestly, I'm just ready to be closer.

The absolute hardest thing about leaving Tulsa this week, is leaving my friends. I was so blessed to meet some of the most incredible people in the first two months I lived here. I have loved doing life with them. They inspire me to be a better person and a better friend. We have laughed and cried together and they have been more then just friends here these past two years, they have been my family. I know that we will keep in touch, I know that I will come back to visit, but I also know that it is going to look different since I won't see them each week. As scary as that is to walk away from "your people," I also know that that the Lord has placed amazing people into my life no matter where I have lived -- whether it's Jamestown, China, or Tulsa, and I know it won't be any different in Virginia. The Lord has already opened the doors for a wonderful living situation for me in Virginia and I already have friends there waiting for me.

I spent 3 weeks in Jamestown for Christmas and New Year's to process, recharge, and re-focus, and flew back to Tulsa on January 7th to start packing and finish up some things here. I knew that it was going to be a challenging few weeks, but it became even more challenging when a week and a half ago, I was in a car accident on the highway and totaled my car. Not exactly what I had planned when I was moving across the country in less than 2 weeks!

But God is faithful. I have seen His hand at work so much this past week and a half there is no doubt in my mind that He is at work. From walking away from the accident without a scratch or bruise on my body, to the amazing rescue crew He sent, to my insurance claim going through in just over a week, and my parents possible already finding me another car -- God has been at work. There is no other explanation.

As I sit here in my bedroom for the last lazy morning in my apartment, I can't help but feel the tears of sadness coming on as well as the bubble of excitement for all that lies ahead. Is it going to be hard? Absolutely. Are there are going to be moments where I will question if I am making a terrible mistake? Of course. But I know when I am following my heart and the direction I feel that the Lord is leading me in, I know that it is never, ever a mistake. I know without a doubt that He called me to Tulsa, it was just for a shorter amount of time than I thought. He showed up big time here and I know He'll show up big time in Virginia. 

I am finishing up packing today and my Dad will hit the road this afternoon to start the 1,100 mile trek from Jamestown to Tulsa. He'll arrive tomorrow, we'll pack up the uhaul, and start driving back to Jamestown Tuesday morning for a few days before heading to D.C. 

• Please pray for my Dad as he travels these next few days by himself. Being in a car is making me nervous these days anyways, but especially the thought of him driving that far by himself. 
• Please pray for me as I pack up my cute little apartment and begin saying "see you later's" to some of my favorite people.
• Please pray for my Dad and I as we drive across the country Tuesday and Wednesday. 
• Please pray for my transition to my new home and new job in Virginia next week.

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

Deuteronomy 31:8

Prepared in Advance

"For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

Ephesians 2:10

Prepared in advance. God has prepared in advance what He will have us do. Where we will live, what job we will have, what causes we will be passionate about, and how we will live our life. I've always known this, but as I read this verse, I realized that I needed this reminder more than anything else right now. 

God has prepared me for this, right here, right now. 

He knew all along that I would move to Tulsa. 

But even before that, He knew that my parents would say "yes," to adoption and "yes" to China to bring my sweet baby sister home almost 13 years ago. 

He knew that once my eyes were opened to the orphan crisis, that I would never be the same. 

He knew that I would fight Him on going to China, in taking a leap of faith and trusting Him that He would provide all of my needs and beyond. 

He knew that it would take my 7 years from the time China was laid on my heart until I would actually step in that country that I now know and love.

He knew that it would take another painful situation to take another leap of faith to move to China for several years.

He knew it would be hard being in a country where I didn't speak the language, didn't understand the culture, and was 8,000 miles away from my family.

He knew it would be hard when I left China to move back to the US and not having any idea what was next.

He knew that when He called me to Tulsa, that I would say yes.

He knew it would be hard and difficult, but He also knew how He would be with me each step of the way. 

All along, He knew, because He had prepared this life for me, in advance. 

He has known it all along. 

And even though the future is scary and uncertain, He knows.

And that, is where I find joy and peace.

In Him.

Knowing that He has prepared me and is preparing me for the work He is calling me to.

My Weekend

What a lovely weekend it was. As much as I am liking my new job, it is always hard to get back into the routine after having a day off. Since today was Martin Luther King Jr. Day, I had a three day weekend! I will not rub it in how gorgeous the weather was this weekend (sorry NY friends!), but let's just say it was lovely.

Saturday I stopped in the leasing office to pick up some pictures I had ordered and the kind office lady insisted I take some of the leftover donuts. On Saturday's, our leasing office has donuts and coffee which I have yet to make it too. Since I can't say "no" to anything sweet and they were so pretty (I knew they would photograph well), I took them home. 

Do donuts freeze? I guess we will find out. Since I did not want to be tempted to eat all four in one sitting, I ate one and froze the rest. We will see how they turn out!

 Sunday was Church, lunch with my co-worker, laundry, and catching up on the phone with a few friends.

Today was another gorgeous okay day and so I decided to check out a local park and trail along the river.

It was beautiful, so peaceful, and I will definitely visit again.

Would you all just look at that HILL?!?! Yes, there ARE hills in Oklahoma!

Happy Martin Luther King Day and Happy Monday!

My Project

What do you do when you are in a new city where you don't know many people? 

You find a project to keep you busy! 

It's not that I don't want to make friends, I do. But in all honesty it has been a very difficult adjustment and there is only so many "new things" that a person can handle at one time. So for the past month, I have been focusing on my job, getting my apartment settled and looking like home (which is where the below project comes in), and finding a Church home. 

How are those adjustments going? The job is coming. Finally this past week I felt like I was really starting to "get it." Yes, I am familiar with adoption but this is a whole other side to it that I haven't worked with before. Also, China is the program I know the most about, but we work with not only China, but also Colombia, India, Vietnam, Haiti, Korea, and Hong Kong! Since I am working with all of these country programs, I need to learn the process for each of them. Although some things are the same with all of them, there are many things that are very different. All that to say, yes, my job is going well and I am feeling more comfortable and confident but I still have a lot to learn.

My apartment is coming along. It is starting to feel more and more like home which I am very thankful for. Even though I have been thinking of decorating ideas for years for the day that I had my first apartment, it is very overwhelming when it's time to actually decorate it! I have done lots of "window shopping," and have made a few purchases. Since I'm working off of a budget, it is taking me a little longer to buy everything I would like to, but it's coming! 

Lately, I have decided to get crafty. I learned how to sew years ago with my Grandma. It was something that my Mom said I had to learn, that every young woman should know. I am so thankful that I do know how because I know so many women my age who have no idea how to sew! My grandparents bought me my own sewing machine for my college graduation and it has been stored for the last almost 7 (!) years. Last weekend I pulled it out and attempted to sew curtains. When I de-decorated my apartment after Christmas and took off my Christmas table cloth, I realized I didn't have another one to replace it! Off to the fabric store I went to make a new one.

The finished project, I think it turned out pretty well!

I had bought a few cork boards last week and was originally going to put them in my bedroom, but changed my mind and thought they would look cute in my dining room with fabric covering them. I made them to match my tablecloth and my curtains (my curtains are the blue color).

I decided I really like this fabric. Therefore, I have decided to make pillow covers for the pillows on my couch. 

After all, it all has to match, doesn't it? Okay maybe not, but I want it too. And it's keeping me busy and really helping me when my emotions and thoughts are all over the place. 

The last thing on the list of things I have been focusing on is finding a Church. I have visited four different Church's and was starting to get really frustrated. Well this morning I went back to the very first Church I visited here and gave it another chance.

And?

I think I may have found my new home Church.

Happy Sunday!

Direction?

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge Him,

and He WILL make your paths straight."

Proverbs 3:5-6

I am taking a little break from my 30 Day Photography Challenge. I know, I'm not even a week in, but I don't know how people do this. It's a big commitment! And right now, my thoughts and my heart are elsewhere. So we are just going to take a little breather. I will eventually pick it up again, but not sure when that will be.

Which leads me to this: I am asking for prayer on some big upcoming decisions I may have to make. Prayers for direction and most of all, peace in whatever happens.

I have been in the US for 3 months now. And it has been such a challenging yet wonderful season. God has taught me so much during this time and continues to do so in this season of waiting and trusting Him for next plans He has for me. I have been praying for the right doors to open and at the right time. Right now, doors are opening. But I want clarity on whether this is the right door or not.

Won't you pray for me? Another huge leap of faith may be right around the corner. But am I ready for it? On my own, absolutely not. But with His help? I did make it to China with the Lord's help and I know He will continue to show me the way to go and be with me each step of the way.

"My sheep listen to My voice; I know them, and they follow me."

John 10:27

{Wordless Wednesday} The Unknown

Tea Party

My Grandma recently won a tea set basket at a luncheon she attended.

I decided that I would love to have the tea pot and cups. 

After living in China, I have become quite the tea drinker and would love this tea set in my "hopefully not in the too distant" future apartment. 

Before packing up my tea set for whenever I move, my Mom thought it was a great idea to have a tea party. 

And so that is what we did. 

Mom, Kiah, and myself.

I don't know how long this season of me being at home with my family is going to last, so I am enjoying each moment and making sweet memories.

Two Months

Well friends, today is the day. Two months ago today, I stepped off that plane, back in the United States after over two years of living and serving in China. 

Why is this day significant? 

While I was overseas, I came home three times, the longest being for 2 months last spring in order to rest and raise support for a second year.

When people have asked me "what is it like being back?" I would say, "ask me at the 2 month mark."

Well here we are. 

And???

I don't feel much differently than yesterday. 

Or the day before. 

Or the day before that. 

Since arriving home, part of me has felt that this was only another temporary visit but another part of me knew that this was for good.
At least for now. 

I think the most frustrating is not being any closer to knowing what it is the Lord has for me next than I was two months ago.

But through this new season He has been faithful. 

And I am thankful for where He has be right now. 

I know He will reveal the plans He has for me but not until the time is right.

So for now, I'm right where He wants me.

"The Lord will fight for you; you only need to be still."

Exodus 14:14

Have a wonderful weekend! I am off to a women's retreat for the weekend. Looking forward to worship, listening to a great speaker, relaxing at a place which is very near and dear to my heart (other than the foster home) and spending time with amazing women who love the Lord!

How Majestic

Sometimes there are no words to say except,

"Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!"

Psalm 8:9

I can't help but stand in awe of His creation. 

That is all I have to say....

Mysterious Ways

The Lord works in mysterious ways, doesn't He? This is a story that I have debated the last few days about sharing. Why? Because it makes me look kind of like a crazy person! But the more I thought about it and how this story kept coming to mind, I decided I really should share it. 

Yesterday morning, like most mornings, I checked my email on my phone. 

I had an email from myself. 

Now THAT was weird! What was even weirder was that "I" had sent it at 12:32 a.m.... I was definitely sleeping then and I don't remember anything! 

My first thought was that my account was hacked and that it had sent some crazy link to everyone in my inbox. I opened it up, just to see what it was. It was an attachment... the above picture.

Now let me back up just a little bit... as many of you know, I'm in this huge period of transition and trying to seek the Lord in whatever it is He has for me next. Some days are good and I am loving all this free time I have and know that God is in control. And then there are other days when I just feel very discouraged. I have had several days in the last few weeks where I have felt very discouraged and just wish I knew "what God was up to" (don't we all?!). 

This verse came to me (from myself!) right when I needed it. Yeah, not quite sure why I was emailing myself pictures in the middle of the night, but apparently it was something I really needed.

Which it was. 

I don't know what the Lord has up those royal sleeves of us, but I know it will be good.

So did I send anyone else any pictures in the middle of the night? 

As I matter of fact, I did!

I sent Kiah an email as well with an attached picture taken at the Guangzhou zoo...

... of a hippo.

No idea what that is supposed to mean!

Any ideas?

Re-Entry

Re-entry is hard. I knew it was going to be, but for some reason it is much harder than I ever anticipated. This week has been, well weird. When people ask how I am, that is my answer.

I've been gone for almost 2 1/2 years. Yes, I've been home a month here and there during that time, but those visits were always different. I was only home for a while, then I was returning to China. This time it's different. Things have changed, I have changed, and I'm not quite sure where I fit in right now. I know, I know, it's only been a week. Which is what I keep reminding myself. It is going to take time and in time, God will reveal to me "what is next."

What have I been up to this past week? Sleep for one. Apparently, I am exhausted. Who knew? I like flying in at night. I don't sleep much on the plane so if I arrive at night, no matter what time my body thinks it is, I sleep. I have been sleeping through the night every night since I arrived home. Praise God! I have also been having a lot of family time. Since this re-entry has been a lot more difficult than I thought it would be, I haven't been in the mood to do a lot and I've been taking it easy with my family, which has been nice. You don't really realize how much being in a foreign country affects you, until you are back. Packing and cleaning has been another thing on my agenda the last few days. It is hard, because I don't want to unpack more than necessary since I'll most likely be moving somewhere at some point. The big question is, when? Since I don't know the answer to that, I'm not dwelling on it and taking advantage of the time I am here.

Yesterday I was able to spend time with my two nephews at the pool! They have changed so much since I saw them at Christmas time.

 After spending time at the pool, we went out on the boat for a little tubing. Again, always a fun time.

I am just taking one day at a time. 

Yes, this is definitely a period of transition, change, and uncertainty.

But even in this time of uncertainty, He is here. 

And that is what I am holding onto.