Friday, July 5, 2013


I remember months leading up to my move to China, I would pray for God to "break my heart for what breaks His." When we pray this, do we really want Him to break our hearts for what breaks His? Because that breaking can be very, very painful. Right now, I'm thinking, "why did I ever pray that?"

It's hard. Holding a one-month old baby boy who was abandoned just hours earlier is hard. Really, really hard. He was in the arms of his mother that morning with a name, birthday, identity and in my arms that night with a name and birthday recently given to him by the orphanage and no background information.

I'm broken. My heart is broken. I cannot wrap my mind around the fact that this precious baby boy was abandoned Thursday morning. Thursday. when I was most likely lounging in my pj's, drinking coffee, excited about my 4th of July plans. The last thing on my mind was that a baby was being abandoned at that very moment. I was planning on taking the afternoon off on the 4th and relaxing.

My plans for Thursday changed. I was going to go swimming and cook an "American dinner" of bar-b-q chicken, chips, watermelon, corn on the cob, ice cream, etc. It was going to be an afternoon / evening to just "veg." All that changed when we got a call from one of the orphanages we work with. A baby boy abandoned. One month old. Similar condition to one of our current children.

Rather than having my little 4th of July celebration, I hopped on a bus at 7:30 p.m. with our Medical Coordinator, heading to the Guangzhou Hospital to meet this little treasure. My 4th of July will have to be post-poned to later this weekend. It's worth it. Holding that precious baby and telling him he is loved and cherished was worth it.

My heart breaks. It breaks for what breaks His. "Why would I ever pray that?"

I'm a little behind with my Psalm 139 reading. Today's verse is found in verse 6:

"Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain." 


  1. Oh Anneli, I understand your heartbreak. Not that I've ever been in quite the same position, but my heart has been broken too by little ones I love whose stories are full of heartbreak. Sometimes, I just want to be done with heartbreak, but we can't be, not this side of heaven. So, I pray instead that God will give me the faith to cling to him when our fallen world is just too much for me to take. Praying for you, that you will see God's hand at work in the midst of heartbreak and that you will take joy that he sees and knows.


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