Monday, December 31, 2012


2012. What a year it has been. I would call this a pretty big year for me. A year of many changes.  A year of making new friends and keeping in touch with old friends. A new culture. New climate. New traditions. New me. This year has been a year of growth and of healing. I have learned first hand experience that God DOES heal. 2011 was a rough year for me. Probably the most difficult year I have ever had. And I didn’t think that I would ever be happy again. Ever find joy. That my real smile would ever return. I would cry out to God and feel as though He wasn’t listening. And in the middle of that pain, He called me to China. And even though I didn’t even have the energy to support raise or go, I knew that God had called. And in the midst of my pain, He gave me the strength to press on and to go. It was not by my strength but by His alone.

I remember last year on New year’s Eve, having a “heart to heart with God.” And I felt like He gave me a choice. I could continue to feel sorry for myself and wallow in my pain or I could live again. I could trust Him that He has something or someone even better for me. But that it was my choice. I could choose which path I wanted to take. I chose to trust God and follow Him on this crazy adventure to China. And I have been blessed over and over.

I have found healing in the faces of these children. Here I thought I was helping them, when in fact THEY have been the ones helping me. They have taught me more than I will ever be able to teach them. I have found healing and joy through their smiles and their laughter. A reason to live again, a reason to laugh and smile again. I have found a peace that I have never known before, a “peace that passes all understanding.”
Yes, I still have questions. It is no secret that my dream ever since I was a little girl was to get married and raise a family. After watching adoption after adoption take place, my heart yearns for that to be me and my husband someday. But I will be honest, sometimes I struggle with wondering if that will ever take place. Will I ever be the one announcing that I’m engaged? Pregnant? Starting the adoption process? Been matched with a child? Will I ever be the one to bring a little one home who I can fall in love with and never have to let go? Will it ever be my turn? As each New Year comes, I wonder if THIS will be the year. And often I wonder how God can make it happen. I’m almost 27 years old and living in China where the possibility of me meeting anyone is pretty slim. I mean I am in my “prime years” (haha) to meet someone yet here I am. It doesn't even make sense to me but apparently it does to God. I continue to remind myself that He knows what He’s doing. No, it may not be in my timing. Trust me, it most certainly is not! But He knows best. And one day I will look back and see why it wasn’t in my timing. Why He made me wait. How He is continuing to mold me into the woman and the wife He wants me to be.

As we begin this year of 2013, I can't help but be filled with excitement. I see how far God has brought me this past year, and I can't wait to see what He does this year. I want to be a vessel for Him. I pray that He will use me and challenge me in the way that He sees fit. I just need to hold on for the ride!

Happy New Year of 2013! May it be a year filled with allowing God to use you and be filled with His love and presence.

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thougths." (Isaiah 55:8-9)

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for your words of wisdom, Anneli. I can relate to many of the things you wrote in this post. You are in my prayers!


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