Almost Missed It

“And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.”

I Peter 5:10

Over the past month that I have been here, one thought continues to go through my mind,

“I almost missed this.”

I almost missed coming to China, following God’s plan, because I was scared and felt inadequate. At the time that God laid China on my heart once again, I was going through a trial and I did not feel “ready” to come to China. I felt that I was too weak and too broken to come. That there must be someone else who was more prepared and better for the job than me, a mess. I mean, I had just gone through the lowest period in my life, and God was calling me back to China….

“Why me? Why now?”

These were questions that would go through my heart and my mind and yes, verbally out my mouth a LOT last summer. It’s not that I didn’t WANT to come to China, I just didn’t feel ready. Looking back, I believe that that was actually the devil trying to tell me I wasn’t good enough.

“Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us.”

~Ephesians 3:20

As much as I tried to push it away and come up with yet another excuse as to why I couldn’t go…. God kept speaking to my heart. I was reminded that God doesn’t use those who “have it all together.” He uses the broken and the weak.
How many times in the Bible does Jesus call those who were outcasts in their culture to follow Him? I don’t have an actual count but I know it’s a lot! He uses those who did not have it all together to make His name known.

And for whatever reason, God chose to use me. At a season in my life when I was struggling the most, He called. He told me how yes, it would be hard, but with His help, I could do it. That He wanted to use me in all my brokenness and pain, to love and help mend the broken hearts of these precious orphans in China.

When I hold this precious little girl, I am reminded how I almost missed this opportunity. I almost said “no” to God, because I felt that He was mistaken. That He must want to use someone else, not a broken, hurting mess like me. But He’s God, He makes no mistakes.
I’m not going to sugarcoat it, it’s hard. Even though I know I’m right where God wants me, I’m still broken, still sad. But I know that God has a plan.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”

~Romans 8:28

Through my deepest pain and heartache,  I have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams.

Is God calling YOU to do something? Do you feel inadequate to do it because of where you are in your life? Remember that God uses the weak and the broken. Trust Him, you will not regret it!

Anneli