Friday, August 19, 2011

Giving God the Pen

Letting go is super hard. I always knew it was hard. It wasn’t something that I ever tried to pretend was easy. But some things are easier to let go of than others. It’s been a long few months. It’s hard when you feel like the Lord is leading you very clearly in one direction and then He all of a sudden takes that away from you. That is something I have struggled with. How do you let go of something you felt so clearly that God was leading you towards? Or someone He was leading you too. Where do you even begin to try to figure that out? That is the problem right there, you don’t. We try so hard as humans to figure everything out. To make life make sense. To try to wrap our brains around why God puts some people in our lives and then takes them away. Especially when it’s the person you love the most. But do you know the one thing I’ve learned? Actually there are many things that I have learned but something I think that has stood out the most since May 4th.

And that is that sometimes in order for God to get our full attention, He has to take the people who mean the most to us away. Whether it’s because we were relying too fully on them rather than on God, whether we were putting them above God or whether they were only meant  to be in our lives for a season. In order to understand what it fully means to rely on God, He often has to strip us of everything. Strip us of our comfort and our plans of how “we think life should turn out.” Because once we are so weak and so broken. Once we have no one else to run to, we’ll run to God. I know for me, this is what it took for God to get my full attention.

And you know what else He keeps telling me? “Trust me, Anneli. Trust me that I know what I’m doing. That I have an amazing plan if you will only let me write it.” Somewhere in the last 2 years, I took the pen away from God. He had lead me so far that I felt like I could take over from there. That I could write the rest of my love story when in fact it was never mine to write. I was never given that privilege. And honestly, I would have messed it up long ago! “Give me the pen so I can write your story. Let go so that I can work.” I want to grip that pen with all that I have. Because I realize in fully giving God the pen and the control of my life, that I may never get back the person that I love the most. And that terrifies me. But I also realize that God knows what is best. And I have to trust Him with that. I’m giving Him the control.


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