On Our Way

Wrote this post in Qatar during our layover, but the internet was extremely slow and wouldn't let me post it. 

Our trip has been long but uneventful. Here are a few pictures from Doha, Qatar. Never been to the Middle East before, that was kind of a neat experience!

We landed in NYC and are now waiting to board our LAST flight to Buffalo. Never have I been so happy to see "BUFFALO" on the screen. So close to being home now!

Our flights have been good. Long but uneventful. Once in the US, made it through customs (America let me back in!) and all of our luggage made it which is always a blessing!

Almost home!!!

So Much

My brain is in a fog. What a crazy, emotional week it has been. And yet, there isn't much time to stop and think about it because there is still so much to do. And I have a feeling these next few weeks are going to be just as crazy, if not more. 

So I just keep plugging away. Yesterday was "cleaning" day around here. Laundry, my bathroom, kitchen. Then last evening was packing. *Sigh* So very much to do and I am just not thinking clearly.

Today is Sunday here. On Thursday my Mom and sister will be in China. IN CHINA. After so many months of planning this, they are almost here and I couldn't be more excited. Although that means, so much to do.

It also reminds me how soon I'll be leaving. I know I keep saying it, but it's true. And even though I know it's happening, it's still hard for me to believe that it's really happening.

As crazy busy as these next few days and weeks are going to be, I'm going to try to stop and soak it all in.

Please be praying for me and my family at this time. There has been a lot going on and many changes.

What a Weekend

Happy Monday! I had a crazy busy, but fun weekend! Saturday morning we had a group in at the foster home who I had to help host. After that, I had a free afternoon and decided that it was time to use my last pancake mix that my Mom sent me in my birthday package.

Since I am down to less than four weeks in China and less than two weeks until my mom and sister are here (!), I am trying to use up a lot of food and ingredients I have. That included the rest of my pancake syrup.

Oh my.... were they delicious!

Don't worry, I didn't eat them all. Not all at one sitting at least.

I finished off my little brunch with some delicious liche fruit. I am really going to miss this fruit when I leave China. Actually I am going to miss all the tropical fruit here!

Saturday evening was spent out with friends and Sunday I went tubing or "drifting" or rafting.... not quite sure what to call it, with my friend, Katrina. Unfortunately I don't have any pictures from our Sunday adventure.

Today (Monday) I had lunch with other friends, a wonderful massage, and a delicious dessert. Another fun afternoon. Trying to spend time with friends since my time in China is running out.

Praying you all have a wonderful week!

Ribbon Fun

We receive a lot of donations and packages for our children. They are truly blessed (as are we!) to have so many wonderful people in their lives. People who will never meet them but love them from afar. We recently received a donation of ribbons for dancing and whatever else you want to do with them! I just knew these would make for a great photo shoot opportunity. 

Treasuring each moment I have with these sweet children as the days keep ticking down to my departure.

A New Comfortable

We all like to be comfortable. We want to be in a place of life where we know what is coming and what to expect. At least I do. So when I moved to China over two years ago, I was definitely getting way out of my comfort zone. I was moving to a foreign country, where I knew no one, a new city, new children, new work, new.... everything. And it was terrifying. But.... God was there and He got me through. We took one day at a time as I adjusted and adapted to my new life here in China.

Now as I prepare to return to the US, I'm going through the process of leaving my new comfort zone. That's right, after living here over two years, China has become comfortable. Not that it doesn't have it's challenges and struggles but that's everywhere, right?

As I get ready to leave next month, it's scary. I'm stepping out in faith which this time, is leaving China. I don't know where I'll be moving too and what job I will have, just to name a few of my unknowns. Yes, it's scary but I also have a family who love me and will help me through this new transition and a God who goes before me.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."

Proverbs 3:5-6

What I want to Remember

Precious babies. I get to work with precious babies each and every day. And those days are running out. I only have a limited number left. But yet, I try not to think about that too long. Too often, I find myself in the sadness of what's to come rather than living in the here and now. With just a few more weeks left, I want to live in the here and now. 

I am getting done what needs to be done. Working ahead on social networking for the foster home, packing, cleaning, weeding out, giving away, picture taking, and then of course lots and lots of baby holding. That is what I want to remember about my last few weeks in China. Not about the "work" I needed to get done or developmental assessments that need to be updated. Yes, some of that is necessary, but holding and loving on precious children, now that is a requirement. And that, is how I want to remember my remaining weeks here.

The paperwork will get done. Yes, even the blog posts will get written. Actually I've been trying to work on those from home so that I can spend more time with the babies when I'm actually in the foster home.

The pure sweetness of a baby's fingers and toes and their soft little coos, now that is what I want to be doing for the remainder of my time.

Just What I Need

God knows just what we need, right when we need it. Sometimes, He even provides what we need even if we, ourselves, don't realize we need it! God is preparing my heart to leave and He is having people cover me in prayer. I know people have been praying for me and I have felt those prayers.

Yesterday, I received several emails from dear friends telling me that they have been praying for me. I wasn't even sure what I exactly needed prayer for in that moment but a few hours later, I knew. Don't you love when God is preparing the hearts of your friends and family to lift you up even when you don't know you need to be lifted up?

I love when God works like that. It's just like Him. I have no need to worry or fret or try to "figure it all out." He is already there. And He is already preparing me for what He is going to do.

"In their hearts human beings plan their course,

but the Lord establishes their steps."

Proverbs 16:9

Place of Healing

Quiet. It is quiet and peaceful this Monday morning. It's overcast and not unbearably hot like it has been lately. There is nothing quite like the peacefulness of morning. When most of the world isn't awake yet, and it's just me and God.

I have spent many hours on this balcony. Sitting, praying, reading, meditating, crying, praising, singing, and yes, even dancing. This has been my place. Where I have gone for the last two years to read His word and spend time in His presence.

I arrived in China broken. My heart had been broken and quite honestly, I was not in a good place. Looking back, I'm not even sure how I made it to China. I did not have the emotional energy to pour into raising support for an indefinite amount of time or the motivation to continue pressing on. But that is the amazing part of our faith journey, God never gives us more than we can handle. Yes, it may be more than we as human beings can handle but never more than He can handle. It is by God's grace, that I even made it to China. Because it is definitely not something that I did by my own power.

As I embark on a new journey in just a few short weeks, I can't help but sit here with my mug of coffee in hand, and reflect. Reflect back on this journey the Lord has taken me on the last two years. It was painful and heartbreaking and there were many tears involved. But that is how He brought me to the place I am today. And to the person I am today. We journeyed together through the mess of my life, and through those broken places He brought healing. He brought healing on this balcony where I would spend hour upon hour with Him. He brought me healing through the love I poured onto my precious children. And He brought healing to me in this country which I have called home for the last 27 months.

Many people have asked me why I'm leaving China. And honestly, there are many reasons. The main and most important reason is that I feel as though my time is done here for this season. Forever? Maybe or maybe not. At this point I have no idea, but I know for this season, He is calling me back to the US. Another reason is that I truly believe that God called me to this place to heal my heart. To take the broken pieces of my heart and to put it back together.

Am I healed? From that specific situation, I would say yes. There are still days when memories come up and the pain that is attached to those memories surface. But then I remember all that He has done in my heart and in my life here. And I can't help but be thankful. And smile. And smiling, is something that in May 2011, I didn't think I would ever do again. At least not from my heart.

China has been a place of healing. A place of taking my mess of a life and putting it back together. That doesn't mean life won't be hard. It doesn't mean that there won't be more struggles and pain and heartaches to journey through. But I know He goes before me and I know that He leads me through the waters and is always there to catch me when I fall.

"When you pass through the waters,

I will be with you;

and when you pass through the rivers,

they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire,

you will not be burned;

the flames will not set you ablaze.

For I am the Lord your God,

the Holy One of Israel,

your Savior."

Isaiah 43:1-3

I will always look back on this season of my life in China, and see a place of healing. 

Calm Before the Storm

Today is June 7th. My Mom and sister arrive in China on July 3rd. Less than four weeks away. We depart for the US on July 18th. Time is ticking away. And very quickly at that.

This weekend I don't have any plans. We have no groups visiting the foster home who I have to host, no lunch or dinner plans with friends, and since it's a rainy Saturday morning, spending the day at the pool is even out. And as I sit here, thinking what would be the most productive use of my Saturday, I take a look at the upcoming weekends.

Next weekend, we have a team here which I have agreed to help host. The following weekend, I may be out of town with one of the other foster home staff members (those plans are still up in the air). And the following weekend? That is just a few days before I fly to Beijing to meet my Mom and sister for a few days of exploring. My goal is to be packed before they arrive. Of course I can't pack everything, but there is a lot I can pack and the plan is to be done. Therefore, that final weekend will be spent doing that very thing.

I sit here thinking how this weekend is the "calm before the storm." Usually when you think storm, you think  bad. At least I do. But this time, I don't think that at all. I just think busy, fun-filled, and change happening very quickly. I have known this day was coming, the day that I would leave China. But it still still coming up very quickly. So quickly in fact, that I know I need to start preparing myself emotionally for the huge upcoming changes. My future holds a lot of unknowns. I have way more questions than I have answers for right now, but I DO know that it is going to be quite the adventure. And I DO know that even though it is going to be crazy and hectic and may feel out of control at times, that He is with me through it all. And because of that, I have confidence in this upcoming season of change.

So what have I decided to do today? Clean, weed-out, give away items I won't be taking with me, and packing what I can. This is really happening, folks. I'm really leaving China. As in, six weeks from right now, I will be on an airplane, bound for the US of A.

It's scary, it's intimidating, it's overwhelming, but it's also exciting. This weekend I am going to enjoy the calm before the storm.

In the Moment

Sometimes it is so hard to just be in the moment. We are (especially me) often trying to rush ahead, figure out what is next that we miss what is there, right in front of us. 

Lately, I have been trying to slow down and soak it all in. I just have a short time left in China. Soon, all this time spent with babies, cuddling and loving on them, will just be a memory. How do I want to remember my last few weeks in China? Thinking so much about "what's next" that I miss what is right in front of me? No, I want to be a person who is known to live where I am. In this exact moment. Not to rush ahead and wish my life away, but to be here. Right here.

Planning ahead isn't a bad thing, in fact it's a good thing. As long as we don't dwell on those plans and miss all that God is doing. Right here. Right now.

"In their hearts humans plan their course,

but the Lord establishes their steps."

Proverbs 16:9

Going Before Me

"I will go before you and will level the mountains; 

I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. 

I will give you the treasures of darkness, 

riches stored in secret places, 

so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, 

who summons you by name."

Isaiah 45:2-3

One thing that has been on my heart a lot lately is that the Lord goes before me. If you are anything like me, this is something you know but do you really know it? Do you believe it to be true for your life? My friends, if there is one thing I can encourage you with in this post, it is this, He absolutely HAS gone before you. He is already there, working, moving, and preparing the way for you. There is no need to fear, because He holds you all in the palm of His hands. I know, I know, easier said than done. Believe me, this is something I have to constantly remind myself of. 

As you know, I am preparing to leave China sometime in the next 4 months. This is not a decision I take lightly and definitely not one made without a lot of prayer, support, and encouragement from the spiritual mentors in my life. It's just time. And even though I know that and am very excited for whatever it is the Lord has in store for me, as a human, it's easy to become terrified of the unknown. 

I would be lying if I said that I hadn't experienced that from time to time recently. However, there is also something that the Lord has filled me with. And that is peace. A peace that passes all understanding. That yes, unknowns are scary but He has gone before me. He is already there. I have been encouraged to thank Him for all that He has already done even if I don't know it yet! Thank Him for my job, my new city, Church, friends, community, car, etc. Thank Him for all these things that I KNOW He is going to provide. 

It's easy to become intimidated when I can't see very far down the path in front of me. But then again, what would trust be if I didn't need to use it?

That Lord has already been preparing the way. I have received opportunities and He has provided for things in advance. He is indeed preparing the way before me. And I am not going to fear it. I am going to embrace it. I will enjoy each day He has given me and my remaining time here in China. And know, that He who created the world, is holding me in His Everlasting Arms.

"Who went ahead of you on your journey, in fire by night and in a cloud by day, to search out places for you to camp and to show you the way you should go."

Deuteronomy 1:33

US Bound!

At my gate, boarding in about 20 minutes. Next stop..... United States! Please be praying for safe travels and a smooth flight. My flight yesterday from Guangzhou to Beijing was very smooth and praying for the same on this long flight! 

United States.... here I come!