Monday, August 11, 2014

"Do You Trust Me?"

This is a verse that I'm sure I have heard before, but continues to be on my heart over and over again these last few days. When a verse continues to just "show up," I know that the Lord is trying to share something with me. 

This season in my life is very strange. It's been hard but yet not as hard as I thought it would be. I think the hardest part of this season is the "not knowing." But then I am reminded how God knows. How He has a plan. How He provided for me all that I needed to go to China and remain there for as long as I did, and that He will indeed provide once again. This verse reminds me not that I need to be still and not do anything to try to find what it is that the Lord will call me to next, but to be still and wait for His plan to unfold when the time is right. 

I have started the job search. Part of me wishes I could just skip this part. Skip past the looking, researching, and applying, the interviewing, and the waiting. After being so busy in China all the time, it's hard to be not quite so busy now. It's hard just being but that is right where I am right now. Besides, if I did skip all this, I would miss what He is doing here, right now in this season of my life. And even though at the moment it doesn't seem like a very important season, I'm almost positive that I'll look back on this time in my life someday and see His hand at work through it all.

This is also a season when the doubts begin to creep in. I wonder when something will work out and where and how. Something the Lord keeps whispering to my soul this past week is, "Anneli, do you trust me?" That is a hard question. I say I do and I know I do. But then my actions and emotions don't necessarily show that. Do I REALLY trust Him? Do I trust Him that He knows what is best? That He knows the timing of all things? I do, Lord. I do want to trust you through this confusing season of my life.

So that is where I am right now. Waiting for Him to lead and guide me. And trying to relax in the process and just enjoy this slower paced season He has me in. 

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