Friday, July 13, 2012

In the Moment

I don’t know about you, but often I will try to rush ahead and try to figure out “what is next” in life.

This is something that I have struggled with a lot although I am slowly getting better at it and learning to

“live in the moment and the place where God has me.”

I have a dream like so many young women my age. For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a wife and a mom. Growing up, I would be asked the popular question, "

“Anneli, what do you want to be when you grow up?”

And my answer would always be “a wife and a mom.”

To which the person would reply, “no, I mean what JOB do you want to do when you grow up?”

Hmmm…. I don’t know about you, but my Mom had a pretty tough job raising 7 kids (and still does!)! I can’t think of a single “career” that is tougher than that.

I never wanted a “career.” I just wanted to love my husband and raise my children to love Jesus.

And that’s all I’ve ever wanted. However my senior year of high school, I decided that I better figure out a job UNTIL that happens.

I love what I’m doing, I really do. I love each and every one of these children I get to love. But I will admit, it’s hard. I’m 26 years old and I’m ready. I’m ready to meet the man God has set aside for me. And I’m ready to begin a family. And as much as I love these children, I can’t help but want children of my own. And no, I don’t mean my own as in biological children (I’m totally fine if I never have biological kids and only adopt), but biological and/or adopted children that are mine. I am their “Mommy.” I get to raise them and teach them about life and Jesus. Listen to their fears and their hurts and take them home with me each night. And raise them to be the next generation of godly men and women in this world.

But I’m not there yet. I’m in China. And as much as I love it, I can’t help but dream about the future.

This afternoon I got to hold my sweetheart. This little one is so precious. I had the opportunity of giving her her English name and she arrived soon after I arrived in China. She was born when I was packing up my life to move to the other side of the world. And as I fed her a bottle this afternoon, rocking her, and as she gazed at me with those beautiful dark brown eyes, I couldn’t help but feel God speaking to my heart,

“Anneli, enjoy the moments I have given you.”

I’m so anxious to be married and be a mommy that I forget where I am and what God is doing NOW. For right now, this little one thinks I’m her “mommy.” I wish I could adopt her (believe me, I’ve though about it, but since I have to be 30 to adopt from China, I still have 4 years to go). And for right now, she is mine. I have the privilege of caring for her UNTIL her momma comes for her. And what an honor  and privilege that is.

My time will come. I fully believe that.

I’m done with the “if that EVER happens someday….”

No, it WILL. God has placed this desire strongly on my heart for as long as I can remember. And rather than “hoping it’ll happen,” I’mbelieving it WILL happen.” Because if God really wanted me to be single for the rest of my life, He would change my heart. But rather the desire to be married becomes stronger and stronger.

“Take delight in the Lord and He WILL give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this: He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him.”

Psalm 37:4-7

So for now I will continue loving this children God has placed in my life.

Happy Friday and have a wonderful weekend!


1 comment:

  1. Oh Anneli, I emphasize with you so strongly on this one. Until I was finishing high school ALL I really wanted was to be a wife and mom, but I too figured I'd better figure out something to do in the interim. Now, I'm SO glad I've been able to do the things I've done, which I wouldn't have if I'd gotten married really young, but marriage and motherhood are 2 dreams that haven't gone away. God's encouraged me too that he knows my hearts desires and wants to give me good things, but it's easy to doubt.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...